Jan 20, 2015
Okay, so Max is 3 and has been sleeping through the night since he was 13 weeks old. As a first-time Momma who read all the books, you can imagine that I thought I was such rockstar....until baby Cole came along. Cole, on the other hand, has only slept a full night maybe 2 dozen times in his lifetime and it's probably all my fault. Well, maybe mostly my fault and partially that he is just a very persistent little boy who likes to scream at the top of his lungs when he doesn't get his way.
We used the BabyWise book for both boys. It was much easier for Max, but so far, so is everything else. He's just going to be that kid. Cole had reflux and therefore nothing seemed to work. So, in sleep training, I tried the Sleep Whisperer method, which he hated, and Cry It Out (CIO) which is... pretty much the last option. And after the initial torture (for us and him) which lasted 47 minutes the first night and spanned 4 nights, it worked, for awhile.
Rationalization #1. We didn't want to wake up Max.
Initially, when trying to sleep train a newborn, you worry about the crying waking up your toddler. In retrospect, Max doesn't hear anything once he's asleep. You could literally drive a firetruck through his room and he wouldn't budge. So, that concern was totally unnecessary. If I could rewind, we would have started this process a LONG time ago.
Rationalization #2. The environment is always changing.
For Max, this was never an issue. Again, he is our easy kid. But for Cole, the moves from city to city, house to house seem to affect him more. Maybe I'm making a bigger thing out of this than it is, because both are really adaptable considering how much things change with our lifestyle.
Rationalization #3. Guests/visitors.
We had a great start to a full night sleep in Salt Lake City. When we moved to Seattle, (Cole was 9 months old) we immediately visited Wisconsin. Then as soon as we returned, it seemed like we had family or friends in town almost the entire summer. (Note: I love visitors, this should have spurred me on to make a change, not have been my excuse to continue the craziness.) Cole was constantly being shifted from his room and crib to our room and pack n play. We were again worried that his crying would wake up said guests and big brother next door. Silly. And, because we were often sharing space, Cole would wake up and demand to be nursed because he knew I was right there. So much for weaning.
Enough is enough.
I've always been a fan of shared bedrooms for siblings. I grew up as the oldest of 5 children, so there really wasn't an alternative, but even for smaller broods, I think it's a great learning and growing experience. Children need to bond with siblings just like they do with their parents. Of course, there is the learning to share and deal with conflict aspects that are also appealing. And even better, now that we are renting in California, saving a little dough on one less bedroom is also a perk!
So after our move from Portland this Fall (where, by the way, we had more than ample space on several levels of a really huge rental home and again, where I worried about waking up Max and guests...I digress), we stayed with David's parents. When his brother and family arrived, we were forced to share a bedroom with our kids so they could stay in the other room with theirs. I didn't mind. It was the perfect introduction to a shared bedroom that I'd been looking for. We decided to set up Cole's crib in Max's room as soon as we arrived at our new home in San Jose. Since then, I've been putting them down for an afternoon nap at the same time and thought I might just be lucky that it worked right from Day One with very few hiccups.
At bedtime, however, Cole is always ready for bed an hour before Max. While Cole will cry and point to his crib when he's tired, Max will procrastinate and be hyper or naughty as long as you let him. So, we have let Max stay up a little longer to let Cole fall asleep and then go through the bedtime ritual with Max later. This would often drag out til 8pm or even 9pm! Way too late for our young toddler. I was on fumes by then and staying up later only to allow myself "quiet time" after the kids' bedtimes. But it was fruitless because I could expect 1-2 night wakings and a 5:15am wake up call.
Fast forward to now. I was telling my sister about my issues with bedtime and Cole still not sleeping through the night. The next morning, she forwards me a link via text to Mommy Shorts. I will link to sleep training right here in case anyone else is interested in the 5 posts on her experience and referral to her coach.
I started using a few techniques the last few days because I wasn't able to adhere to the early bedtime right away. Guess what?! They are working. So tonight, we went all in. If you don't want to read the whole strategy Mommy Shorts uses, it's basically this: a much earlier bedtime, ie. Start the routine around 6pm; Bedtime by 6:30pm (which is perfect for Cole anyway); Go in to any crying episodes after 10 minutes, using a simple back-to-bed technique; Then walk out. The end.
It felt really weird, but I cooked dinner at 4:15pm and the boys sat down to eat by 4:45pm. Dinner was over by 5:15pm and they were both in the bathtub by 5:30pm. We completed the entire bedtime routine (pajamas, book reading, tooth brushing, prayers and bedtime songs) by 6:30. Cole was crying and ready to be put down by then, but I waited to put him in bed until Max got in bed because I was really trying to stick to the advice of putting them to bed at exactly the same time. So, after a short delay when Max needed to find Ducky and cried because he wanted to go downstairs and play, they were both in bed by 6:38pm. There was a a little crying from Cole at 7pm when Max called out to use the bathroom. But after Max was done, I laid Cole back down, put his paci in, and rubbed his cheek with his blanket. I walked out and he was fast asleep. I looked in at 7:15pm and they were both sleeping! Not surprising for Cole, but 45 minutes early for Max! Nice!
Obviously, the night isn't really underway at only 7:37pm as I'm writing this post, but I'm daring to say, our work is done for the night. Let's see if Cole sleeps the whole night and wakes up later, which is the goal. According the sleep coach on Mommy Shorts, I need to allow them to wake up naturally anytime between 5:30am and 7:30am and go in to start the morning with a smile, no matter what time it is. I prefer 7am, but who wouldn't. Let's see what happens...
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